My Wife Looks Elsewhere… Why?

My wife and I have been together for 4 years, we got married over a year ago…

I’m 21 and my wife is 5 years older than me. I’m an athlete and train a lot, but I still try and make sure everything is perfect for her (holidays, romantic nights with roses and candles, food and bath ready for her after work – basically if she ever wants anything she gets it).

I look after myself and always make the effort to look good for her.
This all seems to be in waste though as since we have been together she has cheated on me 4 times (that I know about) with one of those being just the end of last year.

I can’t seem to move on from that and she will just joke about it.
Recently, I also found on her phone messages saying “I meant what i said baby xxxxx”.
Last year, on a night out, she turned around to me and said “just piss off I don’t want you” and she’s always checked out other girls when we are out.

I’m really struggling to come to terms with it this time –  I even have bad dreams.

I know I’m nothing great but I don’t think I’m anything bad.
I have a good amount of girls coming up to me when I’m out. I just don’t understand why my wife feels the needs to look elsewhere and now I’m at the point I don’t know what to do.

Advice please?

Aunty GG replies:

Hello, lovely lady.

Sometimes it feels good to write out all of the things that are upsetting us, and when you see them down in print, the answer to all of our problems seems obvious.

So let’s break it down, shall we?

You’re young, you work hard and you put in a lot of effort for your wife.

You have what sounds like a banging body and a kind heart…and yet you’ve been cheated on at least once for every year of your marriage and you think you’re the problem?

I certainly don’t.

Cheating is one thing; whether you choose to forgive it or not is your business, but actively putting you down and telling you to piss off is another; and you know what?

I’d call her bluff.

It is clear that you love your wife, but love isn’t the only thing that keeps relationships alive.
You need respect, support and trust.

There is an obvious lack of trust in the relationship – she misbehaves repeatedly, and you feel insecure enough to read her phone.

You’re having bad dreams – it’s easy for an outsider to see that this is affecting you psychologically, and nobody deserves that.
Just because you have been together a long time and are married does not mean that you have to put up with being mistreated.

You’ve said it yourself; you can’t seem to move on from your wife’s repeated infidelity, and if you continue to stay in your current situation, you won’t.

I’m not going to side with your family and tell you that everything can work out, because that’s just not true, but I’m not going to side with your friends and tell you that you’re silly either.

You’re a girl in love, a girl who has been heartbroken, and a girl with hope. The wife that you describe here does not respect your relationship and therefore doesn’t deserve you. And I would hope that you find the courage to tell her that, encourage her to change her ways, or you really do leave her to her meaningless encounters with random women.

You say you’re nothing great. I bet there’s someone out there that will genuinely think you are, you have the time and power to find them if you are brave enough to stop tolerating this treatment.

Yours faithfully,

Auntie GG xx

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  1. Leave her as she will continue this behaviour as long as you keep putting up with it. You sound like the perfect partner for anyone who knows when they have a good thing going for them. Your wife doesn’t appreciate you or deserve you. Get out now as the longer you stay with her you will go nuts and miss out meeting the one you should be with. Keep strong.x

  2. Emily

    You really do seem like a great girl!! I have done thing to hurt previous partners when I was younger 🙁 which I do regret! But I have now changed as I’ve seen and felt the damage I caused and realised when it was to late.. But the reason I was doing it is because I was ‘bored’ with the stage of the relationship! If you feel you can forgive it maybe worth trying to ring some excitement back ie date night something to look forward to together or even something you have both never done before!… If you feel you can’t forgive which by the sounds of it is very understandble you need to let go and become yourself again. You need to enjoy the 1 life you are given no matter how hard it maybe. You will realise your choice is what will guide you and ultimately make you stronger mentally and physically!! I wish there was a woman like you in my life! Do not blame yourself you are NOT the problem. I see both sides I’ve experienced both sides! No matter how much you over think it if there’s no spark or excitement the candle fizzles out and you need to change the chapter and begin a new! Life is to short to be unhappy!!

    All the best sweetheart I hope you figure your chapters ending out soon.

    Kindest Regards

    23yr old Love Bubble

  3. I think you need to find someone special & loyal that will treat you with the love, respect & adoration you clearly deserve. Keep strong and do what you must to make yourself happy xxx

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