Dykons: Nigella Lawson

Name:

Nigella Lawson

Also known as:

“The Domestic Goddess”;

“The woman I would most like to do a threesome with.”
(Oops, ignore that last one – awks)

Other claims to fame:

Almost forgotten in the mists of time is that she is the daughter of Nigel Lawson, who served as Margaret Thatcher`s Chancellor of the Exchequer.

Thankfully, she didn’t inherit his looks.
(No offence Nigel)

She has her own C4 cookery show, ‘Nigella Bites’, and writes for The Spectator, Sunday Times, Evening Standard, Guardian and Daily Telegraph in the U.K., and for Gourmet and Bon Appetit magazines in the U.S.

Where does she find the time to whip up all those gorgeous meals?

Not to be confused with:

The Naked Chef.

She’s a nice Jewish girl and keeps her clothes on, DAMN HER.

Why a Dykon?

The hair, the hands, the face… She’s a woman who does whatever she wants in the kitchen and doesn’t pretend to be perfect.

Watching her plunge her hands into a bowl of sticky pudding mix or suck on an asparagus tip is the closest to porn with food you are going to get.

She is sex on legs, comes equipped with a full larder and, despite her anti-perfection protestations, she is truly a goddess.

Last seen:

Bringing sexy back to lady tuxedos:

Best feature?

Where to begin?
Not only is she a top cook and a fine-looking beastie, she’s also no half-dead-looking skinny twig of a woman.

She’s rich and successful, with a gorgeous voice and a disarming charm.
She puts the “oo” into cooking, the “mm” into simmering and she can cook my Ham in Coca Cola anytime.

Most likely to say

“Stop stalking me, you crazy bitch, I have a restraining order.”

Least likely to say:

“Who’s for a Mackie D?”

Is she a sista?

Sadly not, but we’d like to think she could be persuaded.

Do mention

Food.

“Food is a narcotic,”

The little minx also refuses to apologise for her lack of culinary professionalism, claiming:

“My qualification is as an eater.”

Don’t mention

Her ex-husband Charles Saatchi – what a that tool.

Her 11-Plus. She failed it by refusing to take a maths paper:

“I put my hand up, gave it back and said ‘I’m sorry, I don`t do this'”

Nor her childrens’ names: Cosima and Bruno.
Still, with their granny being Vanessa Salmon (of the Lyons Corner House dynasty), they are rich enough not to give a toot if someone says they are named like a pair of posh twats.