My girlfriend wants anal sex…
Dear Auntie W,
The title says it all – my girlfriend wants anal sex!
I have always thought of myself as a non boring sexual person, but I feel hesitant about this.
We’ve done it all kinds of other ways and positions, but I am not experienced at anal sex, and she is.
She assures me that I don’t have anything to worry about, that I should just stick it in and so forth and that she will show me the rest. I have told her not yet, but I’m putting her off and she knows it.
I am definitely worried that I will do something wrong and I am nervous. I am also nervous about the bum, specifically all that it entails. Isn’t it kind of messy, complicated and painful?
I would like to please my girlfriend; she’s always up for an adventure and I’d like to be adventurous too.
Auntie W replies:
All new activities can be daunting at first and building up a surplus of anxiety is a perfectly expected response to worry and hesitation.
However, there are three fantastic pieces of news to compliment the anxiety phenomenon:
Two, sexual activity does greatly help to release this tension.
And three, guess where so many people store so much of their tension? Yes, my love, right there in their arses.
All of which is to say that we’ll have a handy solution to your anal resistance in no time at all.
Now, while it sounds as if your girlfriend is quite confident in her own comfort level, as well as quite comfortable in your novice position, I fully support the knowledge is power paradigm, cookie, so let’s start with mind over matter.
To begin, let’s de-mystify the bum with some basic anatomy information.
That is, rest assured, you can use all of the same techniques that you’d use ‘in the front’ when you visit ‘the back’ – you can apply the same curve of your fingers, or hand, the same bend and tilt of your dildos, or g-spot toys, and, of course, the specifically designed butt plugs for anal accoutrement.
And aren’t you in for a treat, puppet, because the bum will be a snugger fit around all of your applied and loving pressures.
That said, the rear can be a bit persnickety, it’s true: you’ll always need to use a condom on any non-silicone toy, or you’ll need to boil the silicone toys in between uses, and you’ll need to wash your hands before putting them into any other orifice, because you don’t want to transfer any of those particular juices, elsewhere.
And speaking of juicy, dear, you’ll need to use lube – and lots of it – because the rectum (don’t be shy now,) does not produce its own lubricant en masse.
There are also thicker gel-based lubricants specifically designed for this explicit purpose, so do invest in the appropriate goods.
Speaking of which: if you are interested in reading, check out The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex For Women by anal aficionado Tristan Taoromino. Alternately, if you are a more visually oriented person, track down the Bend Over Boyfriend DVD for the stellar lessons and technique about strapping-on for the ride.
Finally, if you are worried about a little mess, just remember the old saying:
If you want the honey, you have to deal with a few bees.
Just have a couple of warm washcloths on the ready and all will be fine.
Lastly, I am a firm believer in first-hand experience, which means that I believe that the best way to learn about giving anal pleasure is to experience it for yourself.
So don’t forget that there is no better way to learn than by lying down for a go of it, sweet pea, and no better way to describe how it feels than to feel it, and no better way to loosen up and lose those repressions than to be loosened up by a guiding hand.
Can’t wait to hear how it goes, dear.
Have something you’d like advice on?