Tips for coming out to your parents

You don’t need us to tell you that this is not often a pleasant experience, nor do you need us to tell you that it’s always going to be a very personal experience. Every parent will handle it differently and every response to it will be different. However, there are a few tips we can offer, some you might want to take, others you might disregard as nonsense. So, for what it’s worth…

A wise lesbian once told me ‘If you’re ever asked by your parents if your gay, just say yes’. It’s easier to say yes, run out of the room and give them time to process than it is to sit the family down and do the whole ‘Mum, dad, siblings, family dog, I have something to tell you’ thang. Think of this as the ‘ripping off a plaster’ approach.

Before you go in, assess your parents attitudes, for example, while your parents may be accepting and loving they might also struggle with the more ‘out and proud’ approach. In which case it might be best to tone your vibe down before you announce the news. As much as you can do at least without risking who you are and want to be, after all, it’s your right to be unapologetically you.

Don’t do it when everyone’s drunk and you have that liquid courage thing going on. Booze might give you courage, but if your family have also had a bit too much to drink it might backfire. People say things they don’t always mean when they’re drunk. People can also be brutally honest about things they wouldn’t usually be honest about, which isn’t always a good thing.

Remain calm. Easier said than done, especially if your parents are particularly unforgiving. But even if they’re screaming and shouting, rising to it won’t help. It’s hard to stay mad with someone when they’re not fighting back, so don’t take the bait.

Nothing is permanent. What we mean by this is even if your parents don’t talk to you for a while after coming out, it doesn’t mean they dislike you suddenly. It’s very hard to dislike your own child. They might just be having a hard time adjusting to the news, don’t cut them off straight away, no matter what was said previously, often its up to you to be the bigger person and that’s ok, it makes you look like the better person anyway.

Take into consideration, in this day and age, your parents probably have an idea anyway. Just because thet haven’t talked to you about it doesn’t mean they’re in denial. They might just be avoiding the topic because they think either you haven’t come to terms with it yet, or you don’t want to talk about it. You might be pleasantly surprised with an ‘Oh thank God you finally said it.’

Be honest. While we mentioned being loud and proud may not always go down well, if you have things to get off your chest then share them. Making jokes or covering up how you feel may lead to the dreaded ‘Maybe its just a phase’ statement and that’s probably going to make you feel worse about coming out. Be honest, if you need to cry, cry. You are only human and chances are, if you’ve bottled things up for a while, you’ll have a lot to say.

Remember above all else, there are always people who love you, whether it’s family, friends, girlfriends or even that person you talk to every day online. There will always be somebody there for you and you are not alone.

Tags:

Comments

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Upcomming Events