10 things that are 100% true about gay people

1. We are ALL magical unicorns that leave a trail of rainbows in our wake. However, we don’t like to make the straight people jealous so we keep it on the down low.

2. Each and every one of us has received a medal from either Ellen Degeneres or Elton John after coming out simply titled “congrats on the gayness”.

3. The reason we have our own gay clubs is because we feed off of each others’ gay energy, like a plant taking in the sunlight. Dancing along to Madonna or singing along to Alanis Morissette actually just speeds up the synthesising process.

4. We were visited by grand fairies of great dress sense, wit and sarcasm which is why we are blessed with such talents. No straight person could ever reach the same level of achievement in these fields.

5. When we say Meryl Streep is our Goddess, we are not joking. We all received visions of her being fabulous in The Devil Wears Prada and the five minute cameo in Suffragette before they were released.

6. Various ‘religions’ in the gay community include: The Church of Ru Paul, The Temple of Infinite L Word and The Society of Joni Mitchell. (Obviously Meryl is still the ultimate high power though.)

7. Gay women are allergic to movies starring Channing Tatum, sparkly lip gloss and Nicholas Sparks novels (cue dry heaving when The Notebook comes on TV.) Gay men are seriously allergic to camouflage jackets, Megan Fox and hunting gear of all types.

8. We are not blood-sucking vampires who stalk around in the night attempting to convert young straight people to the agenda… we are werewolves, get it right.

9. Gay women have a strand in our DNA that makes our skin need flannel shirt every week otherwise we break out in rashes. Gay men have a special strand that makes an abundance of hand gestures and saying “yaaaaaaaas” instead of “yes” a must.

10. If we don’t talk about feminism and social justice at least once a day we fall into a coma-like state until somebody somewhere burns a bra.

 

If you haven’t already guessed it, this article is full to the brim with sarcasm….. or is it?