Being a gay at Christmas isn’t always easy

For a lot of people Christmas is a joyous time, but for some it’s an anxiety-filled occasion. Whether you are out and proud, shy on the details around conservative family members or just plainly in the closet, there are things you will probably encounter this Christmas that will be difficult to navigate.

Family reunions can be awkward at the best of times, but especially when you’re repeatedly being asked whether you “have a boyfriend”. We’ve all been there, we’ve all sat on the sofa patiently listening as aunt Betty dishes out steams of homophobic comments. Try to remember to take your aunty Betty equivalent’s comments with a pinch of salt. If someone has to ruin the holiday vibe let it be the distant family member getting drunk in the corner of the room and not you. We know it’s incredibly hard sometimes to let homophobic comments slide, but sadly, unless you have a super supportive family who’ll speak up as a group against one bigot, you’ll probably be starting a difficult fight.

The most important thing to remember is that you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. If you are out, talk to your closest family before everyone else turns up, make sure they understand where you stand and have a code word for when you need to escape for a bit so they can make up an excuse and be in the know. Being with that many people can be overwhelming whether you’re gay or straight, and feeling like you either have to come out again to others or put yourself further back into the closet can just makes matters worse. If you don’t think you can handle it, your family should be understanding. Of course they will want you there at Christmas dinners, joining in with everything, but if there are some scenarios that you have to remove yourself from, then just do so. If you explain it to someone you can confide in they’ll be understanding.

Take a step back, breathe and relax. If you do have a relative that worries you then consider whether it’s worth going to battle with them. Chances are you probably only see them once a year. So, while we are by no means advocating closeting yourself, sometimes it’s simply easier to grit your teeth and accept that sadly not everyone can be accepting as they should be. If you let something slip and find yourself instantly regretting it, don’t panic. Most statements can be covered up with a joke, especially if Grandma is on the other side of the table fixing her hearing aid.

On the other hand Christmas can be the perfect chance to come out to the entire family without having to worry about seeing them again for a whole year. So if that’s your plan then go for it! Remember, although it might take them a while to adjust, your family will always love you. And your friends are there to support, as are the gay community.

If you have any worries, difficulties or questions about family encounters then mail our resident agony aunt Kimmi on support@gaydargirls.com. Or, if you want to share comments or stories with the community then just leave a comment below. GaydarGirls is there to help.