Love? Or Love’s Horny Little Cousin?

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Who else can admit to being a romantic at heart?
I can.

I’ve read most (if not all) of the classic love stories and as for the latest romcom, I’ve watched them all, twice. Most of my friends would heckle me by saying I’m “cheesy”, or even a “Disney Princess” but I honestly don’t mind because I understand what it is to experience “real love” and I also know what it takes to make it last the long haul.

Being a Life Coach I have the pleasure and privilege of assisting clients with their biggest fears and also biggest goals, one of those is regularly the question of how to master relationships and love.

It is through my career that I have come to appreciate how love is completely personal as an experience and as a topic. No two people describe or experiences love the same, ever.

However, I can say wholeheartedly that there is one topic of confusion I encounter regularly when my clients are questioning love, and it isn’t love at all, it’s love’s horny little cousin, lust.

Often jumbled with love, lust is as an emotion or feeling of intense desire in the body.

Ever looked at someone and thought you wanted to rip their clothes off?
That’s lust.

Ever heard the phrase “it was love at first sight” (or been guilty of saying it yourself?)
Lust again.

Ever spent 24/7 texting or emailing each other because you just miss each other SO DAMN MUCH?

Bam, you got it, lust!

Lust is a psychological force of nature that produces an intense wanting for an object, or circumstance fulfilling the emotion. Lust is a physical attraction and (not wanting to burst any bubbles here) has no lasting effect.

Most people mistake lust for being “in love” without realising it at all.

Here’s some things that might assist in helping you identify if you’re juiced up on lust:

You’re focused more on how they look than who they are as a person.

Sounds like: Oh my goodness, how beautiful is she?
I could just stare at her for days. Hours. Months. Years. She is perfect from head to toe and has NO flaws! She is so faultless and I am SO lucky for being able to just chill out with her, hang off her arm in public and then take her home to bed!

You rather the illusion.

What you might be heading from friends or family: Since when did you become a party animal, you’ve never been like that before?

What happened to you, you’re changing, what has she done to you?

Since when do you smoke, is it because she does?

Can we shag?

Your thoughts might be a bit like this: She is just so great to chat to and I love that we have things in common but oh my god she looks hot in that top, and those pants, seriously, what is she doing to me?
Would it be rude to just stop her mid conversation now to have sex?

You are needy. Needy. Needy. Needy.

Sounds like: Why isn’t she texting me back straight away?
What is she doing?
Wait is she texting another girl?
WHY IS MY WORLD ENDING?
IS SHE HAVING SEX WITH ANOTHER GIRL?
MY LIFE IS RUINED!

The feeling is conditional.

Lust is saturated in fulfilment without concern of anything else. Lust blurs every single boundary so you end up satisfying yourself.

Don’t be disheartened if you can relate to all of the above right now because guess what?
Lust is the kick-start drug that allows you to build REAL LOVE and let’s be honest; lust is one fun family member to enjoy!

Megan Luscombe is a professional life and wellness coach at Starting Today Coaching. Melbourne based, Megan assists her clients across the country in making positive transformations in their personal life, relationships and careers.

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