Sex Toys And Lovers: How To Introduce One To The Other….

You’ve met this hot girl…

The sex is electric, passion immediate and all-consuming.

You’ve ravished each other on the kitchen table, the car back-seat and there was that time you got kicked out of the bar for being two in a cubicle…

You want to try everything…

Explore every sexual possibility with her.
You fantasise about buying a strapless dildo and feeling the deep connection as she grinds against it – and you.

You want tie her hands in bondage cuffs and tease her with a tongue vibrator until she begs.
Surprise her from behind with a strap on…

But, even though she’s shared some of your wildest moments, you’re suddenly shy…

What happens if she’s turned off by your lascivious suggestions?

You couldn’t bear it if she curled her lip at you and called you a perv…

You’ve been with your hot girl a couple of years…

Domesticity has kicked in and sex is more likely to be conducted in the cosy Ikea bed you bought together, than on the stairs leading up to it…

You miss the passion and spontaneity of the early months.
Sure, sex is good, but it’s all a bit, well…comfortable.
You dream of mixing it up; creating your own Lesbian Sex Cocktail and knocking it back with abandon…

But, even though you talk about everything, share a knicker drawer and have even started leaving the loo door ajar, you’re scared you’ll hurt her feelings if you suggest playing sex toys.

You don’t want her to feel that she is not enough…

You and your hot girl have just celebrated 10 years together…

You have the house, matching push-bikes and children ( or at least surrogate children, aka cats) but where the hell has the sex gone?

You’ve heard of lesbian bed death but thought it was an urban myth.
You can’t believe it’s been so many months (or years) since you last got jiggy together.

Now it seems an impossible task to even broach the sex subject.

Oh Sod it.
Easier to just make nice pasta bake and enjoy an evening in front of the telly together…

Wherever you are in a relationship, suggesting sex toys can feel scary…

… but that’s never a reason not to do it.

Let’s get this straight.

Sex toys are not necessities, replacements, signs of a crappy sex life or lack of fulfilment.
They are simply sexy accessories; ‘adult toys’ in the purest sense; playthings that provide amusement

But just like sex itself, sex toys can stir up insecurities which is a tricky emotion to predict.

How do you negotiate the pitfalls, avoid hurt feelings or sore egos and do everything possible to ensure sex toy overtures are greeted with baited breath and open legs!?


  • Don’t whip out a dildo or initiate the sex toy convo in bed, during or après sex, unless you are 110% certain of a positive reception. Even though bed/sex time may appear the most natural setting, it’s risky.
  • Don’t come across as desperate, determined or single-minded.
  • Don’t use self-centred language. ie
    I would love to play with a strap-on dildo/ have this bondage fantasy / want to try a vibrator …
  • Don’t panic!
    It’s natural to feel flustered or self-conscious when talking about sex.
    Embarrassment can make peeps chatter uncontrollably or clam-up altogether; neither of which is helpful for a ‘discussion’.
  • Don’t pressure her.
    Nor necessarily take her first reaction as her final response and sulk. Sometimes peeps automatically say ‘no’ when they’re not sure what to say.
  • Don’t go on about previous sex toy experience.
  • Don’t bring any 2nd hand sex toys to the party.
    An ageing rabbit vibrator, collecting dust bunnies under the bed since it was last used with a former lover, is usually too much to swallow for even the most eager sex-toy enthusiasts.


  • Raise the sex toy convo in a close, loving setting; whist you’re giggling on the sofa or taking a candlelit bath together for instance.
  • Express your ‘togetherness’ and how her pleasure is essential to you.
  • Use language that involves your lover in your sex toy fantasy;
    I would love to play with a strap on with you / have this bondage fantasy about us / want to try a vibrator against your clit as I lick you…
  • Get up close & personal with your lover and whisper.
    This will make you feel more confident
  • Listen and let her process.
    This may not be an instantly-made decision but a slow-burning fantasy that takes time to alight.
  • Express virgin excitement, never ‘old-hand’ experience.
    Whatever your previous sex toy history, this will be your ‘first time’ with her.
  • Erotic shopping makes for a hot date.
    At Sh!, we witness just how arousing couples find it. In fact, we often have to tap on the changing room door to break the spell as things get too heated in there!

So use a trip to buy sex toys as fabulous foreplay, whether online or at an actual store just… don’t give us too much cause to coming tapping please…!

Ky Hoyle; is the Founder & Head Girl at Sh! Women’s Erotic Emporium. If you have a sex-talk question for Ky, leave it in the comments below.



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  1. Noelle Hudson

    Wow, marvelous blog structure! I was recommended this web site through my cousin. I am now not sure whether or not this post is written via him as nobody else understand such precise about my difficulty. You’re amazing! Thank you!

  2. Angela

    Excellent information, especially on the Do’s which works for most cases

  3. nickie

    Hi there. First of all I really like this post. I’ve been with my girlfriend for the past 2 years or so. We love each other to bits. We’ve always been using sex toys and to be honest we’re both quiet adventurous. I’m the passive one in our couple and my gf is the active/dominant one. Recently she came with that fantasy of her’s. She wants to try anal sex on me. I’m kind of scared as I’ve never tried that and worried about pain and other stuffs. Only thing I had in my anus so far is her fingers and an anal beads wand. They were both pleasurable but I’m kind of scared at having a dildo inside me. Can anyone advise me plz coz I don’t want to lose the love of my life

  4. Nice Article.Thanks for share the sex toys article.

  5. normia

    I need serious help with how to approach my partner

  6. Luna

    Sex toys are a must! It’s something we can both enjoy although we don’t do it often… But when we do it’s spontaneous.

  7. sajal

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