I’m Getting Mixed Messages…

Dear Auntie W,

I am back in the ring after a bout of relationships and there are mixed messages everywhere – I feel a bit driven mad!

Recently, after going on several first dates, I accepted a number of dates from a woman who I actually fancy, and now things are confusing.

She pursued me and says all sorts of promising things, but then really backs off between dates and the messages don’t match!

Communication is a bit of an issue. She sends and replies to messages but sometimes is a flirt and sometimes just sends ‘friend’ messages. She never initiates the phone and at times I feel I am shooting a message off ‘into nowhere’.

Then again, when we’re together things are fantastic and I feel we’re having a real go of it in person.
It’s when we’re apart that I can’t tell!

She pursued me, so should I be waiting for her to keep pursuing?

I don’t know how interested I should be based on her behaviour! She’s just right some of the time!

Auntie W replies:

Oh, honey!

You’ve only told me so much, but

She’s just right some of the time

usually translates to:

She’s great in the sack, but doesn’t hold her end of the bargain once the snogfest is over”.

And there is a reason, sugar.

You see, while mixed messages are indeed a very real phenomenon, usually the mixed messages are actually pretty clear – if you listen.

For instance, if your new date is present in bed, but not outside of bed, then the message is casual sex is where the relationship ought to stay!

Alternately, if your new date is present outside of bed, but cannot seem to lounge around for sex on Saturday mornings, then the message is often that she makes a better friend than lover.
And, finally, when you feel like you are sometimes ‘writing into the void’ or getting the friend messages – the message is, of course, that you are.

Which doesn’t contradict her being a great date when you’re together, but it means that you shouldn’t try and make her into a partner.
This little conundrum is where the Romp, Date and Partner system come perfectly into play, so that you can come without worry!

Your only job is to pay attention, figure out the potential of each new lady and decide: is she a potential Romp, a potential Date or a potential Partner?

The Romp…

…is the sex kitten, the vixen, the love her and leave her in all the best of ways category.

The Romp is for play, the back alley or the bedroom and maybe the bar.

The Romp is not for the office party, brunch with your friends and you do not mention The Romp to your Mum.

It can also be re-occurring, but the focus is on physicality and not on emotion.


… this is the good time, the occasional romantic notion, Saturday nights on the town, the maybe there’s a future, we’ll see category.

The Date is for fun, with a perhaps chance at Partner: You two go out often, tell your friends and occasionally consider the notion that maybe you’d make good girlfriends.

Maybe – because you’re still not sure about x, y, and z – but the two of you are checking it out, honestly and regularly.


… this is down to business, full stop romance and frolicking.

You want the same things for your futures and cannot keep your hands off one another and feel that you are a great match for one another.

The Partner proves available, honest, communicative and consistent – as well she should be! She is top notch material and you both behave with forward motion. No mixed messages, here.

The trick, of course, is to heed the signs and do not try to confuse the categories or you will surely be driving yourself crazy.

Remember: the only guessing game you ought to be playing is about which panties you last wore to your last Romp, Date, or Partner potential evening – and not how much someone likes you in between meet-ups.

If you have to ask, you already know the category, love.

Your Auntie W


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  1. Senatra

    These pictures are so adolabre! She is unbelievably cute in every one of them but I agree that the Texas longhorn one is especially cute! I am so happy for you guys and can’t wait to meet her!!!

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