How Long Do I Have To Wait?

Dear Auntie,

I have a kind of etiquette question that I definitely cannot ask my Mum!
I’m just out of a relationship that lasted three years, and I’m dying for this girl.

My ex isn’t living with me anymore, but still hasn’t quite moved all of her stuff out, and I managed to meet someone that I want to have, immediately.

The new person has roommates…
I’d really like to have her over to mine for privacy, but is it ticky-tacky to invite her right after my break-up?

• How long am I to wait?
• Is it ok to do it in the bed I shared with my ex?
• And do I need to wait until every last artefact of my ex’s has been removed?

I like my ex and we had a good thing in many regards, so I’m not looking to hurt her…

Auntie G replies…

My dearest,

Measuring the time period between shagging a new paramour and ousting the old paramour is a little like the experience of attending the major sales at John Lewis – you’ll be in a crazed frenzy if you rush to break down the door; you’ll pay better attention and find better buys if you take it at a leisurely place; and you’ll undoubtedly only turn up last year’s cheapest if wait too long.

In other words, puppet, how long you ought to wait really depends on what your desired outcome is.

Now, given that you are anxiously waiting, let’s just assume that you are going to have Ms. Foxy in a frenzy quite soon, and so the real issue then becomes the ticky-tacky question.

In order to avoid being tremendously tacky please consider the following:

Can your new Ms. Foxy be trusted to be discreet?

In other words, if your goal is to have a shag (versus acting out on your ex as a response to your break-up), discretion really is key.

With regard to your ex’s things:

Make sure your ex’s things are out of the bedroom.

This is good advice for every lesbian, mind you – your ex’s things have no business being in your bedroom!

But particularly when you are actually moving forward (or at least rolling around) with someone else.

With regard to the bed:

While doing it on the kitchen floor can be fun for a while, you’ll eventually want to get in the bed – and best to avoid ex associations by the worthy investment of buying some new linens.

A caveat,  which is that you may indeed find memories of your ex (three years is significant) coming up amidst the fun, so one last word about moving forward in your old flat:

You are allowed to get off as much as you like, but no handing out the keys to every new lady who comes… calling!

Love always,

Your Auntie G

Have something you’d like advice on?

Please select a valid form