Where Are All The Lesbians?

There’s no doubt that quite a few people were asking this when London was hit by the shock of it’s best-known lesbian venue, Candy Bar, closing for good.

While I’m gutted that in my generation I’ve seen more lesbian bars close down than open, I’m genuinely not surprised.

Here’s my confession…

I don’t go to lesbian bars.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, before you curl your lip and snarl ‘who are you to judge’ let me just say, that I’m nobody but a mere consumer, that’s all.

A consumer that doesn’t set foot in lesbian bars because quite frankly, they don’t speak to me.
I’m not one to attend nights named after genitals or with genital connotations. But it’s not about lack of “vagina-pride”.

I’m very pleased to have said genitals and always quick to dish out lady-flower tips (my mum’s reading, you guys) to anyone who cares to listen.

But frankly, I find those types of event innuendo and names – crass.
And I’m not the only one to think so.

So I wondered, is this a ‘lesbian-thing’ or a ‘woman thing’?

I enquired among some straight female friends (some less prudish than I) to gauge their thoughts on innuendo-titled events. Would they attend an event called fellatio? What about missionary? Or penetration?

The answer was a straight (oh the pun) – no.

Unless they were swingers… And swinging friends, nothing against you, it’s just that my girlfriend gets so upset about me putting my keys in a bowl and then losing them. She hates when I lose things – keys, hair-ties, lunch, my dignity…

So, I vote with my feet and I don’t go.

I stay within the ‘mainstream’ at pubs, bars and the occasional club where I can indulge in great good food; good wine and have a jolly old chat.

Because being a lesbian doesn’t make me a sex fiend or obsessed with vaginas. I just happen to date someone who has one.

And before I identify as one of the growing letters in the LGB++, I identify as a woman.

Actually a foodie-beer-wine-carb-crisp-obsessed-woman. But always a woman (and always the crisps).

I want more from any establishment – gay or straight. I want great service, great drinks, and a great atmosphere – a great experience. And frankly I’m not getting that anywhere that markets to any letters of the LGBTI spectrum right now.

So where are all the lesbians?

Probably busy being women.

Trying on different shades of lipstick, different styles of head shaving (or not), choosing skirts over trousers (or both) or sensible shoes over stilettos, or beer over wine, or drinking gin and picking a fight with their girlfriend and crying all the way home (may or may not be from personal experience).

So if you want to talk and market to lesbians, you have to move beyond the clichés, particularly the sexual ones, or you’re getting it wrong.

Remember we’re women first.

Or in my case calorie-hoarding-with-an-expensive-gym-membership-to-counteract-crisp-eating-woman. But always a woman… and always the crisps.

Mariella Mejia; works at GaydarGirls and is always on the lookout for great content, inspiring stories and restaurant recommendations – she can’t help herself.