Dating a Girl Who’s in the Closet

So you have met someone great, you get along, she gets your quirks, you fancy her pants off, she’s met your friends, she’s even getting over her cat phobia for you. Everything seems to be just dandy. There’s just one problem – she’s not out.

Don’t panic.

First thing to remember is that there was a time, maybe not all that long ago, when you weren’t out to everyone either. Put yourself back there for a moment. Really remember what it felt like and remember that it takes time, that it can be a very long-winded process and no one can force it.

Her not being out to everyone isn’t a reflection of how she feels about you, she’s not embarrassed by you, she doesn’t think you aren’t worth being out for. She simply isn’t ready yet.

Be patient and respect her wishes, perhaps agree to spend some time with your friends or people she is out to so that she slowly starts to feel more comfortable being gay around other people. It’s also a way for you to spend time with your girlfriend in an environment where you can both be yourselves. If she does invite you over anywhere where there are people that she’s not out to, it isn’t your place to out her, or even suggest anything that would allude to it, after all, if you out her, she probably won’t thank you for it, and it’s not worth losing her over.

So just be patient, give her time, and don’t take it personally. If you are together for years and she still hasn’t come out, then it’s up to you to decide if you want to be with someone who isn’t out.



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