7 Tips For Bringing Your Girlfriend Home For Christmas

The seven tips of bringing your girlfriend home for Christmas.

Firstly, a congratulations is probably in order, since you’ve survived the “Where do we go for Christmas?” argument and you still have a girlfriend. Well done you! As a reward, and to help the festive season go off without a hitch, here’s a list of Christmas commandments to help get you through.

One: Thou shalt brief the girlfriend on your quirky Christmas traditions…

There would be few things less mortifying for your girlfriend than turning up to your family home unprepared for what’s to come. It puts her in an awkward position when your family trot-out for their annual Boxing Day hike and all she brought were her white Converse and a pair of smart heels. Make sure she’s equipped to deal with group endeavors, even if it’s a case of making sure she has a matching pair of antlers for your reindeer ‘Singathon’. Or whatever it is you crazy people do at Christmas…

Two: Thou shalt finalise the guest list…

Let’s be honest here, entire families that are totally a-okay-with-the-gay are thin on the ground.

There’s little point in dragging your poor woman out for dinner with your whole family if you know that Uncle Nigel is coming around to make gay jokes that may offend a new face around the table.

If your parents are sympathetic to your situation, they should tailor the quest list accordingly, or get Nigel so drunk that he’s asleep before midday.

Similarly, don’t just spring a surprise lesbian on your family; it might make her totes awks if she rocks up unannounced.

Three: Thou shalt come bearing gifts…

Get your girlfriend to bring something.

It doesn’t even have to be that good.
Just a token.
You know that if any arguments break out, the first thing that’s going to get thrown at you will be,

“And she just waltzed in, empty handed.”

Don’t be that girl.
Bring a chocolate orange at least.

Four: Thou shalt not let her unwrap naughty presents in front of your parents…

Don’t assume that just because Aunty Edna is old, that she doesn’t know what love eggs are.
Save those gifts for private time, you little vixen.

Five: Thou shalt inform the parents of acceptable familial introductions…

Sometimes you just don’t want to deal with the hassle, but then there are days when you think,
“If I hear my girlfriend introduced as my friend one more time…”

Some parents just don’t know what to say.
So give them a hint.

If the words, “Special Friend” are uttered?
Coal for Christmas.

Six: Thou shalt not embarrass thyself…

We know it’s Christmas, romance is as thick in the air as cinnamon spice, your girlfriend is probably hotter than mulled cider and all that, but being caught in a festive fondle by your ENTIRE FAMILY over the Christmas season?


Restraint may be necessary around this time, but I’m sure the build-up will be worth it once you’re back in your own love-nest with your distinctly crappier Christmas tree than the one at your parents’ house.

Seven: Thou shalt have an escape plan…

Family makes you crazy.
Christmas makes you crazy.

Sometimes there’s only so much crazy that your new girlfriend can handle, so keep up to speed with her and make sure she’s handling the situation.

Chances are, she’ll be an absolute champ, but if it’s all getting a bit overwhelming, make sure that you have some time alone, away from the house just to restore some normalcy to your relationship.

So good luck!

May your festive frolics be awesome.

She can walk in heels, but can still put up a mean shelf. London lesbian at large Ami writes about London, lesbians and being perpetually disillusioned.



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