We’re Not Time-Wasters, We’re Just Bisexual!

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I occupy a strange place within the LGBT community. I’m technically a gold star, but I identify as bi.

When I first came out to my parents 4 years ago, my mum’s first reaction was:

‘Aww Annie… what’s bi?’

For some reason bisexuality doesn’t seem to be as widely recognised as either homosexuality or heterosexuality.

It seems that within both straight and the lesbian and gay communities there seems almost a lack of belief in bisexuality as a genuine identity.

I’m constantly told I’m not ‘really’ bi by my gay friends (and girlfriend!) who are convinced I’m ‘properly gay’.

My straight friends occasionally ask if I’m still bi, assuming that because I have a girlfriend I don’t find men attractive.

So why the lack of understanding?

Why the taboo?

When I was on GaydarGirls comments like “no bisexuals, bloody timewasters!” featured on lots of profiles.

I think this is because of the ridiculous obsession of straight men with ‘lesbians’ and as a result the proliferation of ‘straight-gay-girls’ in the media, to please straight men.

Girls are now openly kissing other girls in mainstream clubs, not because they are together or attracted to one another, but to attract men. As a result a lot of girls who are labelling themselves as bi are doing so only in the sense of ‘would kiss a girl for the sake of a man’.

In other words, the common assumption has become that bi people, are just curious, and not serious. This has created a taboo around genuinely bisexual people. D
Damn you Katy Perry!!

I think this taboo is going to be maintained as long as there are straight men arrogant enough to assume that all women want them (the number of times men have asked to join in when kissing a girl in a club!), and therefore encourage straight women to play up to that fantasy.

It’s an incredibly difficult situation as, while straight women are playing around with the idea of being bi, or bi-curious, of course gay women are going to be cautious – no one wants to be anyone’s experiment.

But at the same time, it can be incredibly frustrating being bi, and constantly having your identity questioned. While I understand being sceptical about some people identifying as bi, it needs to be understood that some people who identify as bisexual are genuinely just that.

In short, straight girls need to stop playing up to the obsession of some straight men with ‘lesbians’, and those same men need to stop believing they are god’s gift, and realise that some women fancy women.

Only once the ‘fashion’ associated with bisexuality is lost, will genuine bisexuality be trusted and fully recognised.

Anne Loveday is a film student who is obsessed with questioning what culture teaches and tells us, particularly about the concept of normality.
In short, a film-loving, open-water-swimming, culture-obsessed, music addict.

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  1. Jo

    The first person I came out to at the age of 13 was my nana. She told me “That’s great darling, now if you have to be anything, be bi, then you experience the best of both worlds”. And that from someone of a much older generation. I turned out to be gay tho.

    Now as for my girlfriend, she came out as bi at school, but said nothing to her family. The kids at school weren’t the kindest to her over it. She dated only guys until the end of last year when we met. She had to come out as bi to her family, and their automatic reaction was “So were the guys just a cover-up all these years? Because you’re actually gay?” Thought they eventually accepted that she’s with a woman, as far as most of her family are concerned sexuality is black and white.

  2. Heldanis

    How difficult it must be for bxlsiuaes to respond honestly to questions about their preferences when they know they will probably face ridicule from either side . It is to be hoped that, at some stage, this terrible judgemental attitude towards people not of our type can be put aside and just allow people to be who they are, it is their right and their choice. No-one is being hurt by their preferences, so who are we to judge. As a society we are creating barriers that just do not belong.

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