First Dates? We’ve Got You Covered…

Maybe, skip the meal?

A meal is traditional but can be a minefield of bad decisions.
The menu is like reading a toddler’s spelling book with all the made up words restaurants use.

If you read…

‘Soft melt in the mouth pellets with a glazed red coulis dressing jus topping scattered over a baked crunchy ciabatta frocettia’

… you might order it in panic, only to realize it is in fact beans on toast.

And of course you have to choose the food that’s in the middle price range.
If you actually win the ‘cheque fight’ at the end of the meal and you ordered something really expensive, you might not be able to pay your rent the following month.

If you ordered something really cheap by accident and you don’t want them to think you’re a skint-flint then order lots of alcohol to accompany your meal. Nothing is classier than washing down a chicken nugget with a shot of tequila.

Stay away from dodgy conversations.

With conversation there are a fair few topics to stay away from.
Babies and the names you will give them is the most important one, followed closely by where and when you’d like to get married. Don’t tell them you celebrate your cats birthdays, that you eat deep fried toast or that you have a life size Dalek in your living room. Leave the crazy until the second date or you’ll ruin the surprise.

Ask interesting questions.

Don’t talk about yourself all night and ask interesting questions about the person.
This also fills the awkward silences that you might have when you get so muddled and panicked you start telling them about how your Grandmother likes to get drunk and dance with a lasso.

Exit plan.

If the date is going really badly and the person you’re with is wasting your night by talking about Justin Bieber and toothpaste… try to leave as soon as possible.

Don’t wait it out; you don’t know how many times you’re actually going to have to do this miserable process.

Getting rid of someone is easy as pie if you know the tricks.
Staring at them unblinking, talking to the salt shaker or eating your hair are all good ways.
Or just propose.
And then start preparing for your next date…

On the other hand if the whole thing does go well then it’s good news, as second dates are a lot easier.
It’s like being in prison; the first days are always the hardest before you settle in and become top bitch.

Effi Mai writes at FemmeFace, she wears stripy and spotty dresses a lot of the time, loves tequila, unicorns and dancing with glitter. When she’s not busy writing, she’s one half of event organising duo MissFit.