How To Pull Even More Girls. Kinda.

Drinking before pulling is a bad idea.

Of course I’m not saying you shouldn’t drink anything.
That would be silly of me.

But you see those little colourful fun size shots that look oh-so-innocent?
They are lethal.
And you might think that they’re tasty and want more and more because they’re just like little sweets.
Wrong.

Here’s why you should not get so drunk that you say ‘Hi!’ to your reflection right before trying to pull a girl:

You will have no standards. 

None.

Squat.

Zero.

You will find yourself taking girls home that look like they should live under a bridge.
And then waking up the next morning feeling the need to hack your own arm off just so you can be sick without waking them and having to remember anything that happened in your bed.

You’ll be overly confident.

You might end up acting like Frankie of Lip Service, thinking you’re the most amazing player since slutty-sliced-bread.
When you’re really not.
And you’ll try swagger around like you can get any girl or any surface and do anything to her.

You’ll suddenly develop a swagger.

See point above.

You’ll do something to get bad attention.

Think before you act with any of the following:

• Telling a joke about penises
• Putting a traffic cone on your head
• Retelling a tragic childhood story
• Talking about politics and how the world is changing
• Crying because you think you’ve lost your tortoise
• Thinking you can pole dance
• Or joining a wet t-shirt contest and forgetting you’re not wearing a bra.

You’ll break dance.

When you’re not a cast member of Step Up2 this is not okay.

You’ll do routine dancing.

You’ll do the Time Warp, the YMCA and/or the cha-cha slide.
And you’ll think you’re really on it because you remember all the moves.
The moves that the singer is telling you to do.

You’ll think every song that comes on, is YOUR song.

It’s not.

You’ll want to swish your hair.

Make sure you look like you want to be in a L’Oreal advert and/or are a horse when doing this. And if you have really short hair, make sure you do it anyway just to look proper strange.

You’ll hit on straight girls.

Yes we know that you’re irresistible but that one girl won’t.
Seriously.
You don’t have the thing that she wants, namely the thing that starts with Pen and ends in Is.

You’ll start telling people about your pet unicorn.

You’ll compliment that hot girl way too much.

Saying something flattering can go a long way but then it can all be ruined with one sentence. No one needs to know they have nice knees, wrists or gums. And sometimes, you think you’re complimenting someone but girls can be a rubix cube of emotion and you might end up saying something that insults them.

“Your dress is sexy” is good. That dress is sexy now that you’ve lost all that weight” is not.

You’ll smile more than necessary

.
Smiling is lovely.
When you smile at someone for four seconds it’s lovely.
When the tequila has infused your brain and you stare at someone and smile at them for more than a minute, it’s not so lovely and makes you look like a serial killer.
Like you’re going to murder that person in their sleep later with a frozen banana.

You’ll rap the entire four minutes of Eminem’s “Without Me”.

That’s right.
It happened.
Boom.

Your need for dirty fried food will overpower the need for a loving sexual touch of a woman.

Fact.

So really I haven’t been much help with all of this, you just have to avoid doing all of the above in front of or to the girl and you should be fine.

Easy… right?

Effi Mai writes at FemmeFace, she wears stripy and spotty dresses a lot of the time, loves tequila, unicorns and dancing with glitter. When she’s not busy writing, she’s one half of event organising duo MissFit.