Sex Talk With Ky: Toys For Lesbians, Tips & Advice For Newbies

I was once asked in an interview ‘what are the best toys for lesbians…?

I pointed to my hand, mouth and temple…

Were you to find yourself washed up on a desert island with a willing Woman-Friday, nimble fingers, a loving tongue and creative brain would keep you satisfied for a very long time!

oldest dildo

But at some point you may find yourself whittling dildos out of driftwood…

The oldest dildo is 30,000 years old ( a highly polished number made out of siltstone & measuring a rather ambitious 20cm in length) proving that sex accessories have been enhancing human erotic adventures since pre-historic times.

When I first started Sh! the choice of lesbian sex toys was limited and beyond un-sexy.

A  heavy black leather harness and dick-shaped rubber dildo? No?

How about a porn-star double dildo in sticky, luminous pink jelly?  The subliminal message behind these toys was that all lesbians either wanted a man or wanted to BE a man!

So we rolled up our sleeves and started producing silicone dildos in different colours & shapes. Soft leather harnesses to strap a dildo into, Strapless dildos that didn’t even need a harness…

And the rest is history.

Today gay girls have a fab choice of innovative toys to (ahem) hand. And like the rest of the population, lesbians have been embracing the new acceptability of erotic toys; post Sex and the City and Fifty Shades.

But if you don’t know the difference between a hand dildo and a thigh strap-on (beyond basic anatomical understanding of course) where the hell do you start?

Well, your first (last & everything…) bedroom accessory is lube 

The Sh! Girlz were handing out lube samples at London Pride…

Whilst most were received a grin and a wink, a few girls retorted ‘I/we don’t need lube

Need’ rarely has anything to do with it.  Ladies, don’t diss the lube – it is your friend.  Actually such protestations are usually more about embarrassment than a gushing tap of natural lubrication, but we’ll say no more about that…

The fact is that lube enhances sensation and ensures every touch has a sublime glide. Unlike straight sex and the sudden braking of a sex session with a crash-bang-I’m-out-of-it man, Lesbian sex is more circular, can go on for days and often does, especially in the early days.

We see enough love-up couples, walking into the shop like John Wayne to testify to this!

For most Lesbian couples, the next addition to the toy box usually is a strap-on.

A Strap-On is a simply dildo strapped to a harness (doh!) usually worn around the hips.

Choosing your perfect strap-on is all about drilling down what appeals to you.  Fancy a  dildo angled for G-Spot stimulation or a ribbed dildo for extra sensation?  How about your harness? Jock-styleCorset?

Buying your first strap-on can be mind-boggling, we know…

The absolute best way is to come see us or call for advice.

But if this is impractical or p’haps too scary a proposition, these are the best tips I can give you…

  • Width is the most important measurement to get right when choosing a dildo. A dildo that is too wide will NOT have her screaming for more, but backing away from you in bed…. How many fingers does she enjoy? Choose a dildo with an equivalent diameter or take this opportunity to up-size (a little!)
  • The opposite is true when it comes to dildo length. A dildo worn in a harness looses a couple of inches of operational length. Plus, a too-short dildo can have a frustrating habit of slipping out mid-thrust.  Go longer than you think. You can always lessen the depth of your dildo-stroke but no dildo is like Pinocchio’s nose, unfortunately!
  • Avoid dildos attached to thin elastic straps. They maybe cheap but the thwang-back is no fun at all. Similarly all-in-one strap-ons, where the dildo is permanently attached to the harness. Why? They are frikking impossible to keep clean!
  • Harnesses need to feel secure to allow you to throw yourself into your moves. When there’s a dilemma over sizes, go smaller. If bought over the internet, try it on, over underwear ASAP, to see it fits snugly and is comfortable, before trying it OUT as alas it’s too late to return once used ( though peeps do sometimes try – the slight crustiness around the groin straps is a give-away every time!)

Well, there’s my tips on the top 3 toys for lesbians, but heck! I’ve hardly scratched the surface.

Check back soon for more advice on lesbi sex toys and how to have great Sapphic sex.

Ky Hoyle is the Founder & Head Girl at Sh! Women’s Erotic Emporium. If you have a sex-talk question for Ky, leave it in the comments below.



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  1. corlia

    living in SA we don’t have a lot of shops that caters for lesbian toys or strap-ons so online shopping is the only solutions. Could you suggest and safe, reliable sites?


    • Hi Corlia – Ky’s website, Sh! Womenstore do ship internationally. On their website, the shipping cost for SA is £13. They have a really diverse range of toys too so well worth a look.

  2. sue

    I am a newbie I want to have sex with my love one but im a bit shy so how do I get out of it? What should be my firs move?

  3. i do not know if i am a lesbian but i find myself sexually attracted to ladies. i find myself wanting o touch them . when i look at their thighs i get turned on.How do i approach a woman.

  4. Amy

    My girlfriend and I just love a double strap-on. But we cannot seem to find the right one. First problem is that the two sides need to be on a different level, otherwise it is just not comfortable.
    Second problem: the size. Most of the times one is normal sized and the other is realy small. We want them both to be equally large, and when i say large, i mean Large.

    Does anyone of you knows a brand that has this kind of strap on?

    Thanks girls!

  5. alexia

    Do you have any suggestions for buying a strapon for begginers??

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